


Amou Kanade is NOT a Bottom

by tiny_gay_robot



Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23812000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiny_gay_robot/pseuds/tiny_gay_robot
Summary: Kanade attempts to pick up girls at the bar. Hilarity ensues.
Relationships: Amou Kanade/Kohinata Miku
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Amou Kanade is NOT a Bottom

“How do I look?” Kanade asked posing in the mirror in her green and yellow striped halter top.

“Like a slutty rooster.” Chris said without looking up from her book. “Go with the black one. You’re going to a club not a beach.” 

“The black one is cute.” Kanade agreed. “Are you gonna go over to Hibiki’s tonight?” She probed as she changed.

Chris looked up from her book to eye her down. “Why?”

“Oh you know.” She grinned at her roommate. “There might be bumps in the night” Without even looking she caught the book thrown at her head.

“OI! We already have to deal with one loud mouth. If you and Kazanari-senpai start trying to compete I’m gonna light you both on fire.”

Chris and Kanade’s other roommate, Tsubasa had a habit of having her girlfriend Maria over at all hours of the day and night. Maria was an awesome person, probably the only woman in the world who could actually clean up after The World Class Mess, that was Kazanari Tsubasa. The problem being that Maria was over constantly, and was very...vocal.

“Aren’t you always the one saying to do this stuff at home?”

“NOT WHEN IT’S MY FUCKING HOME!”

“I LIVE HERE TOO!”

At that moment, there was a knock on the bedroom door as Tsubasa, still looking barely awake poked her head in. “Could you guys keep it down?” She looked up just in time to quickly close a door when a book was thrown at her.

~!~

“Fucking couples night.” 

Kanade tossed back a shot of vodka and slammed it on the bar. Behind her, the night club raged on with endless dancing music. In bright pink and blue banners all around, it was proudly displayed to be couples night. At first she thought she had struck gold, as surely there’d be other single girls here she could potentially flirt and more with, but by the time she got there, everyone was shacked up.

“Would you like another?”

Kanade looked up from her pity party at the very pretty bartender. She had short black hair and beautiful emerald green eyes, wearing a long sleeved purple shirt under a black vest. “Hit me.” She said, pushing her shot glass towards the bartender.  
  
“Get stood up?” The bartender asked as she filled the shot.

“Something like that.” Kanade’s pride refused to let her reveal to this woman that she came to Couples Night while single. If she could at least keep her aloof coolness in tact, she could write this night off as a success. 

“Didn’t know it was couples night did ya?”

_Damnit._

“That obvious huh?” 

“I know a useless lesbian when I see one.” The girl said with a casualness that ended Kanade’s life.

_WHAT THE FUCK_

“Hey now!” Kanade barked. “I am _not_ a useless lesbian.” She insisted, proudly tossing back her shot.

The bartender picked up a glass and began to clean with a hand towel, giving Kanade a knowing smile. “Sure.”

“I am not!”

“I believe you.”

“I am the _final boss_ to useless lesbians! I am the unclimbable mountain! I am the Omega! I am-”

“A bottom.” The girl finished for her, smiling sweetly before turning her back and putting the glass away.

“Okay, I have been called a great many things in my life, but I am _not_ a bottom!” She insisted indignantly, feeling herself going flush.

The girl turned to look at her with a _oh really_ smirk on her lips before smiling sweetly. “Oh. My mistake then.” Oh that smile fucking infuriated her.

“I am _not_ a bottom!” Kanade said again, standing up. “I got so much game, half the town knows my name cause how often I make girls scream it!” She had one knee up on the barstool now, staring up at some mythical sky looking proud. “I am the toppiest top to ever top. I conquer the girls and all the pretty ladies! I am the best lay anyone will ever have!”

She hiccuped, pride swelling in her chest.

“I...am a slutty rooster.”

She collapsed against the bar feeling woozy. She felt a gentle hand pat her head, that quickly turned into head scratches of the most divine sort. “You’re drunk is what you are.”

“Noooooooooooooooo.” Kanade whined like a child. “I’m a top. Quit bullying me. Why are you so mean?” Why was this horribly lovely girl trying to ruin her whole life?

“Such a brat.” The lovely woman tsked, still keeping up the head scratches that were making Kanade purr. “Do you have anyone here you’re with? Do you have a way home?”

“Show me the way to go home.” Kanade began to sing the sea shanty in terrible terrible Engrish. 

“Alright, well. I’m off in half an hour-”

“You can get off right now if you want” There was a firm slap to the back of her head. “Owwwwwwwwwww, why’d you hit me?” The bartender just sighed, taking her hand away before Kanade grabbed it. “Noooo. Head scratches please.”

The meanest prettiest bartender made her eat a sandwich and drink water. Some other stupidly pretty bartender showed up, and suddenly the girl was dragging her home. Why wouldn’t she let her walk on her own? She didn’t need her shoulder!

“Let me GOOOOOO.” Kanade whined as the bartender fumbled with the slutty rooster’s keys to get into her apartment. Finally managing to get the door open, the redhead fell through the door, only barely being caught by her shoulder to lean on.

“Get up you useless lesbian.”

“I’m not a useless lesbian!” She hiccuped in a whiney high pitched voice, letting the girl drag her over to the couch.

“How Hibiki’s roommate puts up with you, I will never know.” The girl shook her head, pulling out her phone and dialing a number. “Hey Chris? It’s Miku. Yeah, your roommate got trashed at the bar. No she’s fine, I kind of broke into your apartment, do you mind if I sleep in your bed? I don’t think the slutty rooster’s getting off the couch.”

“GET ME OFF!” Kanade kicked her legs wildly in the air. “COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!” She yelled at full volume before snickering to herself like a small child.

“Yeah I’ll make sure she drinks some water.” Miku spoke into the phone, nodding a few times. “See you tomorrow then.” She hung up the phone, slipping it into her back pants pocket before putting her hands on her hips in a way that Kanade liked far too much. “You are a mess you know that.”

“I am _noooooooooooooot_ a mess.” She hiccuped, loooking up at the girl. “Come make me one!”

Miku looked ungodly patient for a moment, before laughing, walking over and kneeling down in front of her. “You are very pretty, and very drunk.” She gave an affectionate boop to her nose. “Hit on me when you’re sober.”

“I’m not sober, I’m Kanade!”

“You’re a slutty rooster. Now go to bed.” Miku said, throwing the blanket over Kanade.

~!~

In a flash, her world began.

Sprinting off the couch, nearly killing herself in the blankets, Kanade barely made it to the toilet in time. She spent the next twenty minutes, hugging herself to the toilet with a horrible groan. Her head felt like a hornets nest had decided to throw a rave party and everybody was in the mosh pit.

“Kanade? You okay in there?” A gentle and patient voice asked through the door, and for a moment she had no idea who the fuck it was.

_Oh shit, it’s the bartender._

Memories of last night flourished and she felt her shame come out in an instant. Not only did she manage to make herself look like a complete ass, she absolutely killed the potential possibility of ever being able to show her face in that club again.

“I’m fine!” She called back. Groaning at the sound of her own voice echoing in the bathroom.

“What do you want to eat?”

Kanade thought of a witty comeback but her stomach had other ideas. After the world's most horrible hour ever, she was finally able to leave the toilet, feeling like she just got hit by a house.

The bartender, Miku, was there at the dining table. It was clean, far cleaner then she had ever seen it before, and with food on it no less! In the three years that she Tsubasa and Chris lived together, never had the dining room table been both clean, and used for food at the same time. In between their respective jobs, college classes, and Tsubasa, the idea of using the table for its intended purpose was just ludacris. 

“Good morning.” Miku said, sipping some coffee. She was still dressed in her outfit from the night before. Did she sleep in that?

“Mornin,” Kanade responded. Sitting herself down on the table, she struggled to meet the girl's eye. “Sorry about last night.”

Miku waved her hand dismissively. “You’re hardly the worst drunk I’ve had. I’m just glad Kirika was able to cover for me so I could get you home.”

Kanade looked up at her, happy to see the girl was smiling at least. “Did you...spend the night here?”

Miku nodded. “You were trashed. Wanted to make sure you didn’t get sick.” A simple explanation, but one that left an uncomfortable silence in the room.

They ate in relative silence, Kanade thankful to fill her stomach with food she wasn’t going to immediately lose again. She was feeling better, but now she was starting to feel a bit guilty.

“It’s Miku right?” She asked somewhat awkwardly. God why was she out of her element!

“Mhmm.” Miku nodded, her mouthful. “And you are the infamous slutty rooster Kanade. The toppiest top to ever top.” She teased good naturedly. 

“Oh god, please tell me I did not say that.”

“Okay.” Miku smiled. “I won’t.” She said before winking.

Wait.

Was she flirting with her?

“What else did I say?”

“Only that I was the prettiest girl in all the land.” Miku said, batting her eyelashes at her.

She was _definitely_ flirting with her.

“Sober me happens to remember drunk me was told to hit on you again.” Kanade said, finishing her breakfast.

“Oh is that so?” Miku said smiling, leaning forward with her elbows on the table, looking Kanade straight in the eye that made her feel like a deer in headlights. “Well?” She batted her goddamn eyelashes again. “Here I am. Go ahead. Hit on me.”

She had such a smug fucking look on her face Kanade wasn’t sure if she wanted to kiss her or smack her. How was this girl doing this? It’s like she was a kid all over again!

“You have….NICE LEGS!” She stammered out, quickly going as bright as her hair.

Miku sat back and laughed like a hyena, a surprisingly beautiful sound. Her laugh and voice was very loud and Kanade was quickly starting to realize just how nice her name would sound coming from it.

“And your laugh is really cute!” She struggled out again, feeling the words die in her throat.

_What’s wrong with me?_

“Oh…” Miku’s voice lost it’s laughter. “Is it now?” She said standing up from her end of the table and making her way over to her with a sauntry walk. 

_What the fuck. What the fuck. Get it together Kanade. Get it together. Power play. Do something! Don’t gawk at her like a slutty rooster! Oh god am I really a fucking bottom?_

Miku placed her foot on Kanade’s thigh, leaning into her personal space so they were almost nose to nose. “Ha. Ha. Ha.” Her face went from sultry, to faux innocent. “Oh? Is my laugh not cute anymore?” The second she gulped, Miku’s eyes flared up into a hungry grin.

_I sure fucking am._


End file.
